If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. —Joe Martin
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. —Ambrose Bierce
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. —Sam Levenson
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)—Unknown Author
The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.
—David Richerby
My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. —Garry Shandling
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. —Henny Youngman
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx
Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law. —Douglas Hofstadter
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. —Franklin P. Jones
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